What Muggles Do
by MissMJS
Summary: "Let's bring him out." The audience cheers while Harry groans. He just had to introduce Ginny to this show, didn't he? Like his life already isn't dramatic enough? (One-shot, crackish. An idea that wouldn't leave my head)


**I was watching Jerry Springer, and I had to do this. I had to.**

 **For those who don't know about _The Jerry Springer Show_ , well, you're not missing much. Just a dramatic 'deny/confess all' show that we Americans apparently need.**

 **I only own Harry Potter socks and some shirts, not the character themselves.**

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"Hello ladies and gentlemen, I'm Jerry Springer," an older man greets. "Young love can either bloom into the strongest of relationships or it can crumble spectacularly. Please welcome today's guest, Ginerva." The camera zooms out from the bespectacled man and focuses on a young red-headed woman walking out onto the stage.

"Please, Jerry, call me Ginny," Ginny smiles as she takes a seat on one of the chairs in the center of the stage.

"Alright, Ginny, tell us what brings you onto the show today."

"Well," the young woman sighs. "it's my boyfriend, Harry."

"What's going on between you two?" Jerry gently prods. Ginny gives him a small smile. Look at how concerned this man is, and they had only just met! She knew it was a good idea to come here, regardless of how horrified Harry looked once he realized where they were. He must have realized Ginny plans to confront him and finally get the truth. After all, this is normal for muggles to do.

"Three weeks ago, I realized that after four years of dating, Harry's now cheating on me," she states, her eyes watering. "I've found messages on his cellular device that profess his love, and they certainly weren't sent to me." She's not the best with muggle technology, but she can read. She knew what she found the moment she stumbled across them. She snorts to herself. He _'needs it for work.'_ Right. Why would an Auror need one of those?

"And you said you believe he's cheating with his coworker's ex-wife?"

"Oh yes. I tracked the messages to her house." Well, she didn't track the messages, she actually used magic to track Harry, but she's heard it is possible for muggles to track their cellular devices, so...

"I see. Let's bring out Harry, shall we?"

The audience boos when the black-haired man steps onto the stage. He grimaces, and he looks at Ginny in exasperation.

"You couldn't have just talked to me about this at home?"

"Ha! I've tried!" she exclaims, rising from her seat. "You won't tell me the bloody truth, though! So, here we are, and now I'll finally know the truth."

"Ginny," Harry groans. "for the last time, I'm not having an affair with Astoria!"

"This Astoria, she recently divorced Draco, your work partner, correct?" Jerry asks Harry.

"Yes," Harry warily answers.

"Ah, well, Astoria refused our request to come here today, but Draco accepted. Let's bring him out." The audience cheers while Harry groans. He just had to introduce Ginny to this show, didn't he? Like his life already isn't dramatic enough!

Draco Malfoy steps out on stage, his gray eyes flashing, and he stalks towards Harry. "Potter, you bastard!" he growls, and before the bodyguards can stop him, the blond pounces and decks Harry in the face.

"What the hell, Malfoy?!" Harry yelps, holding his swelling cheek. At least his nose isn't broken.

"Astoria, Potter? While she's still living in _my_ home?" Draco hisses, his gray eyes narrowed dangerously.

"I haven't touched her!" the green-eyed man roars.

"Enough with the lies!" Ginny shrieks. "I have pictures of your messages! And I've tracked you going to Malfoy Manor! So quit with the lies and admit it already!"

"Wait, that's your proof, Weasley? Messages and him coming to my house?" Draco straightens and glares incredulously at the red-head.

"What do you mean? In his messages, he calls her 'sexy' and tells her he loves her!" Ginny fumes. Draco just stares at her thoughtfully.

"Well, I have Harry's polygraph test results here." Jerry opens the envelope and takes out the document from within. "Harry, you were asked if you were having an affair with Astoria Malfoy, now Greengrass, and you said _'no.'_ Your result is, you told the truth."

"I bloody told you!" the ebony-haired male gestures towards a baffled Ginny and a relaxed Draco.

"However," Jerry interrupts, "when asked if you are in a relationship with anyone that isn't Ginerva, and you answered _'no,'_ you did not tell the truth."

The crowd 'oooo's and Ginny shrieks, "Who are you seeing, Harry?!"

"Gin," Harry says uneasily. "we really should talk about this at home."

"No! You're going to tell me right now!"

"Potter," Draco speaks up. "I take back my punch."

"Oh gee, you git, that makes my cheek feel loads better," Harry glares back.

"I thought she did better sleuthing than that," the Slytherin shrugs.

"Harry. Who. Is. It?" the red-head demands, struggling to hold back tears. The green-eyed Gryffindor shuffles nervously while Draco turns to her with a wicked grin.

"Oh, you still don't know?"

"Draco," Harry warns.

"I can make it up to you later, _Harry_ ," he purrs, making the dark-haired male flush. Draco focuses back on the confused female. "Those messages, _Dear_ Ginerva, were to _me_." The crowd explodes with noise, as does Ginny's mind.

"W-what?"

"Are words not enough?" Draco's grin widens, and his eyes glint maliciously. "Very well." He whips around and strides over to Harry, who's backing away.

"Hang on, Draco, you just punched me and- mmf!" The blond male snatches the ebony-haired one and crushes his lips to his. Harry is stiff with surprise the first few seconds, the crowd cat-calling and hooting, but he eventually melts into the kiss and laces his hands in Draco's pale hair, when the pair begin to snog in earnest.

"Come on, Harry," Draco breathes once they've broken apart. "Let's go get your things." He grins victoriously at the frozen Ginny, and he leads his lover off the stage.

"Well, folks, it goes to show you that even when you think you know everything about someone, you can be quite wrong. Up next we have..."

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 **Yeah. That happened. Sorry. xD**


End file.
